If I do go back NOW, it will be 2 years ahead of my targeted ‘back to work’ date/time. If I go back NOW, the kids are still young. If I go back NOW, a lot less freedom. We met hubby’s old friend and his family last night at the theatre. The whole family (their 7 year old boy and 2 year old daughther). Although, the movie was not exactly age-appropriate for the girl but then, for good measure, I kept my mouth shut. Anyway, so we met them, the wife has just gotten off work and off they went to spend some quality family time.

You know, I was thinking, if I work now, I will not get to spend much time at home and life will not be as laid back as what I am enjoying right now. The kids are not rushed. Not that they take their own sweet time, just that life is not one activity after another and we don’t always have to rush. I don’t really want my life to be a constant rush after another. No time to really take in all that we are doing, just getting through one after another. I’d much rather have quality than quantity. Having lots doesn’t mean squat if you don’t even know or realise what just happened.

Besides, going back to work means having to look for jobs. Unless you are the privilege few (which in this case, wont be me), I will have to go through interviews, sending out resumes, waiting in line, prospective employers doing pre employment background checks, going for medical check-ups, dealing with first-day jitters, establishing rapports with fellow workmates, standing out without offending anyone, learning your new boss, getting around, getting into the A-list…you know, the list goes on and on and on…

Going back to work, whether you’re starting at the top or bottom, is always the same. People are often threatened and not accepting of new faces. It’s like a threat to their already comfortable bubble. People generally don’t deal well with new ones. Of course, you can try and may appear to succeed but their acceptance of you may be masked with underlying reasons. It’s a common phenomenon everywhere. Not everyone gets the like button at first. It just takes a while to earn the trust.

So you see…having to go through the motions, sacrificing the family and perhaps even for pittance, I always wonder if it is all worth it. No amount is too small of course. Every cent counts.

It’s been a constant struggle for me with regards to this. I am convinced that it will continue to be a struggle for a long time to come. Guess that’s what life is all about, ain’t it? Not a bed of roses.

Fast forward a decade later to now, we have some money to make pretty so I have been put in charge of it. Would be nice if we had more money so I could get someone else to do it and not having to look at furnitures or led lighting myself. It’s such a mammoth job for me. I have zero artistic imagination – while for some, it comes without any effort, for me it’s killing my heartbeat each time. WHY?!!!

To add to that, I don’t really have much time. It seems like I have 24 hours but in effect I don’t because I am always busy serving my kids every 5 minutes, or having to answer questions every 5 seconds. Before you know it, you have that very little window to do everything you need to because everyday, it’s war. You have to get your battle gear ready, your spirits up and your bladder emptied. It’s a battle-field out there.

OK, cut the crap (or at least I hope it’s crap and not some prophecy). I can’t help but to think of next year already because the first quarter will be quite a challenge for us and not to mention, the months flying at lightning speed. Soon, we’ll see March and don’t even know what hit us.

We have got lots and i mean LOTS to do next month. We are pacing ourselves but can’t go any slower because time waits for no man (or woman). I have to get the sofa in, walls painted, bathroom done, backyard done, wardrobe done and kitchen done. Can you see that we have our plates full and don’t even talk about ordering the floral arrangement! I simply cannot imagine. CANNOT.

OK, better get cracking if I want to at least fulfill half of that wish-list.

What shall we do?

I had originally planned to buy some Christmas-type videos to watch. One of it which came to mind was Home Alone (to watch with the kids) and Bridget Jones’ Diary. It’s actually the best romantic Christmas movie ever. I was thinking perhaps I could download video from youtube but unfortunately, I couldn’t find any. I don’t want the sequel; I much prefer the original.

I probably need to get it from kickass or something. Youtube is only good for Photoshop tutorials…even then, the quality is dwindling…*sigh*

She has given me one of each. Yep, she wastes no time in making them. COme to think of it, there is no time to waste actually because we only have less than 3 weeks to go before D-day. So, not only will there be tons of things to do, there’ll be plenty of things in the house that needs cleaning up. Again, I am only speaking for myself..again..:-).

It’s no wonder why adults aren’t fans of festivities. No seriously, they appear to be more fun for kids. I know that when I was a kid, I used to love CNY because of the new clothes, ang-pows and whatnots. The glorious cookies and unhealthy carbonated drinks. It’s a good thing too that I don’t have the “large” genes because of the variety that my grandmother prepares. Till today, I am totally amazed by the sheer effort my grandma puts in during CNY. Cooking for us. and the dishes involved. My hubby is one lucky man to have a taste of her cooking since being married to me. No others that were so lucky..heheh . Plus, he should thank his lucky stars that he too has the skinnies and does not need a male fat burner after consuming such foodies.

Now that she’s hung up her apron and handed the baton over to my uncle and aunty, I do miss her cooking. No doubt she’s still the ultimate food critique and mentor to them but…I don’t know – something is still missing.